


In Real Life

by Tondelaya



Category: Big Bang Theory RPF, The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 13:26:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17898968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tondelaya/pseuds/Tondelaya
Summary: We've all seen how they look at each other. How they talk about each other. How they act toward each other.While I truly believe Mayim and Jim's relationship is strictly platonic because they seem to be genuinely good honest people; I also believe there is something more harboring between them just below the surface.Now that the show has ended, do they continue to ignore it or decide to explore it?  Let's find out!





	1. Chapter 1

Jim forced himself to stop. He had been pacing around the living room, note cards in hand, for over two hours now memorizing his lines. He knew that committing these words to absolute memory was the only way he was going to make it through this week's taping. He was counting on muscle memory to take over because he knew his mind would be elsewhere that night.

Jim put his note cards in his back pocket and went to the kitchen. He poured himself a strong drink and walked outside to the patio area. He took a drink and marveled again at the beautiful view from his Los Feliz home. There was no question that he would miss it.

As much as he adored his penthouse in New York, it could not compare to the spectacular view of his home in L.A. Well, former home. The closing was in two weeks, right after he wrapped up the finale. Jim wasn't sure about the timing of everything, but life seemed to make its own plans sometimes, he surmised.

He finished his drink and just stared out into the distance. Not this again, he thought as the familiar feeling of sheer terror crept into his bones. Stop it! he scolded himself internally as he went back inside for another drink. It's going to be fine, he thought. Jim didn't care for the uneasy feelings of doubt that kept sneaking up on him more and more as the end drew near.

He knew he had made the right decision. It was time. Time to end the show. Time to sell the house. Time to move on. He could deal with saying good-bye to that season in his life. As wonderful as it was. He just didn't know how he was going to deal with saying good-bye to her.

He knew he loved her but he had given up on that fight years ago. Nothing could ever happen between them. She was his colleague, his friend, his family and he could not jeopardize their relationship for some ridiculous fantasy. And it was ridiculous! He was a happily married gay man and he just couldn't see himself ever being in a relationship with a woman. He just needed to keep his emotions in check and everything would be fine.

Back in the kitchen, Jim poured just half a glass this time and sat down at the island to look at his laptop. Maybe I will just check and see how her day was, he reasoned. Just being a good friend, he thought trying desperately to convince himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Mayim found herself yawning again and finally decided to put away her laptop. She had been typing furiously for hours and was pleased with the latest chapter from her upcoming book but knew it was time to try and get some sleep. The house was quiet without the boys and without her strictly platonic roommate (she swears!) who had moved out a few weeks ago. Even her sweet kitties were quiet tonight rather than climbing on the bed with her. She decided to check her website for a few reader comments and then she would definitely call it a night.

There were still those moments when reading online comments scared her to death. Would they be harsh, mean or just plain cruel? She was always pleasantly surprised when most comments were very positive and when they weren't, she had enough open-mindedness to see another's perspective on a matter. She thanks her brief career in academia for that trait and perhaps the thick skin she developed over the years from being a Hollywood actress. Okay, maybe not that thick and open-minded but she was working on it!

Suddenly she heard her phone's message alert from the nightstand next to her bed. Who would be messaging her this late? Just in case it was something with the boys, she picked up her phone. It wasn't. It was Jim.

 _"Saw you were still up online. Get some sleep! Big day tomorrow!_ the text read.

Mayim smiled.

 _"Yes DAD! Hey, you're up 2! You get some sleep!"_ she texted back.

 _"Fine MOM! See you tomorrow bright and early."_ he replied.

 _"See you tomorrow"_ she wrote.

 _"Love you"_ he finished, his usual way of ending their texting conversations.

 _"Love you 2"_ she texted back, her usual reply.

She put her phone back down and continued scrolling through some comments when she saw it. She didn't know why the old picture upset her so much, but it did. She immediately logged off, put away her laptop and turned off the light but the picture still lingered in her brain as if it were right in front of her eyes. Ah, the curse of having a photographic memory, she thought. She also couldn't forget the comment that came with the picture.

_"Love them so much! They are the cutest couple! I wish they were together IRL!"_

The comment was not meant to cause pain but it did. At least it did for Mayim.

The posted picture was of her and Jim at fan event from many years ago. They were sitting right next to each other, his hand on her knee, her hand on his hand, arms touching, always a mere inches apart. In the photo Mayim had been looking out at the audience but Jim only had eyes for her. She had lost count of the number of photos of them together in that kind of pose. The ones where he had been caught staring at her, again.

How could she not fall in love with someone who looked at her that way? No matter how painful she knew it would be for her in the end.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim finished his drink and turned off the laptop to head to bed. His spouse was gone on a business trip again and so he was alone. That was fine. He needed some time alone with his thoughts anyway and somehow his line of thinking had drifted more and more to Mayim which always made him feel guilty. He always felt like shit with the thought of ever hurting his husband every time he fantasied about her even though not a damn thing had every happened between them for him to feel guilty about.

Well, maybe that wasn't entirely true. There had been a few times when they had gotten carried away and had to force themselves to stop while rehearsing or even shooting their kissing scenes but they had always played it off for laughs. There was even that one time, years ago, when she was fresh from a divorce and he and Todd were on a stupid "break" for a couple of weeks when she had come to his house after work one night.

The two of them had both been so sad and lonely that their friendly attempt to comfort each other from their relationship problems soon led to a passionate night of French kissing and some very heavy petting between them. The next morning they had pretended nothing happened and he attributed the little tryst from spending way too much time together and ingesting way too much alcohol. Jim and Todd got back together the very next week and Mayim had started dating her long-term boyfriend. They never spoke of that night again.

Still, Jim often wondered if Mayim remembered that time when they had messed around all those years ago or if she was just too polite to confront him about it. I mean she was one of his closest friends and she knew how he felt about his sexuality. While he didn't have a problem with other people doing their own thing, Jim has always considered himself to be what he called a "good gay" meaning being with a woman just wasn't part of his overall DNA. Of course, he hadn't considered what would happen if he accidentally fell in love with one.

It wasn't that she wasn't attractive. Even as a gay man, Jim could appreciate her unique beauty, but it's not like he hadn't spent plenty of time with other beautiful women in his career. It was just that Mayim was, she was, goddamn it, she was the most amazing woman he had ever met. I mean ever. She was so smart, so outspoken, so opposite of him yet so similar to him. He couldn't explain the connection between them. Everyone saw how they acted around each other. All of their interviews and public events together, their publicity photos, their candid shots. It wasn't like he was trying to hide his feelings for her, it was just that they were often taken out of context.

I mean the tabloid rumors flew around for years about the two of them together until he finally came out publically. Thank god, he was gay, right? I meant those tabloid rags attributed her divorce to him. That was crazy, right? Right?


	4. Chapter 4

Mayim couldn't sleep. She was still thinking about Jim. Still wondering how she was going to make it through this week. Their last week together and then it would be over. And then he would be gone living in New York full-time and she would never see him again. At least not with any regularity. Her heart was aching. How could this be happening? It was because she was single again, wasn't it? she reasoned. That had to be it. Why it was hitting her so hard.

Mayim tossed and turned as she thought about the last time she was so single. Right after her divorce. She remembered when Jim had invited her over to his house after work one night. What was supposed to be a quiet night of celebration between friends of another great taping of the show turned into a bitch fest about relationships and then a night of unexpected passion and comfort between the would-be-lovers.

She will never forget how it felt to finally be held by him, kissed by him, touched by him in all the right places. He affected her like no other man she had ever met. They had a magical kind of connection and because of that, things went too far between them that night. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't stop herself. She loved him.

Mayim and Jim had never hid the fact that they loved each other. Not from their significant others, friends, coworkers or even their fans. They were very outspoken about how much they enjoyed working together on the show and how much they appreciated the other one. They never tried to hide their feelings about each other. Everyone close to them knew Mayim was married with two kids and Jim, well, Jim was a gay man so what was the harm in being affectionate with each other? Or so they had thought.

It didn't take long before two things happened 1) Their fans constantly wanted them to get together in real life 2) Their significant others became jealous of their closeness.

Mayim knew, while not the ultimate cause, her closeness with Jim was an underlying issue attributing to her divorce. She didn't think it had attributed to her recent break up after five years, but she wasn't entirely sure. She did know that Jim's closeness with her had caused a rift between Jim and Todd on more than one occasion before they had finally tied the knot a few years ago.

It was during one of her friend's spats that she and Jim had spent their one night together. Mayim knew it would not last. It was only a spat between the two men. In a world of uncertainty and chaos, Mayim knew her friends were truly meant to be together, forever and she was truly happy for them.

She had learned long ago that if she wanted to keep Jim in her life, and she desperately did, he could only be her friend. No matter how much it hurt, she thought as she tried again to fall asleep for the hundredth time.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, Jim couldn't stop smiling as he made his way onto Stage 25 on the Warner Brothers lot for the last time for a table reading. He was exciting about the script run through. The amazing writers had done an astonishing feat. The show felt like it always did, not too mushy, not too corny, but the writers had masterfully given every character their own perfect ending. He knew the fans were going to eat it up! Wow, it just felt so satisfying. Like he had come full circle. Everything was perfect, everything except for one. Her.

* * *

 

Mayim could barely drag herself out of bed the next day but she knew she had no choice. She had even forced herself to take a long hot shower (not her favorite thing to do) and take the time to pick out a cute outfit just as a way to procrastinate from going into work. She had memorized the script the night before and was ready for the table reading but she didn't know how she was going to make it through the emotional scenes. The script was far better than she could have ever imagined but there was only one problem. Him.

* * *

 

Jim heard her before he saw her. He looked up and, wow! she took his breath away. What the hell? he thought. She didn't look like she normally did for table readings in a mismatched t-shirt, skirt and comfy shoes. Her hair was up and she wasn't wearing her glasses. She was wearing a cute sundress with a jean jacket and sandals and with no make-up on she looked closer to 20 than 40. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

He finally turned his head when he heard Johnny make a production out of clearing his throat to get his attention. He looked at his friend who was just smiling knowingly at him. While true he and Johnny weren't as close as they once were when they first started working together, they would no doubt always be good friends. Johnny knew how Jim felt about Mayim even before he did. It was similar to how Jim knew how Johnny felt about Kaley even before he did. It was bond between them. Two men stuck in impossible situations with their female costars.

Mayim saw Jim and smiled. In spite of everything, she just couldn't help herself. He was one of her favorite people and closest friends and she was always happy to see him. Jim smiled back and made a motion for her to sit next to him. She sat down and said hello to everyone around the table. She started chatting with Melissa about how her little one was doing and then their attention was directed to the head of the table and the reading began.

Jim, Mayim and the rest of the cast had so much fun they all couldn't stop laughing through the reading. In the end though, it had gone so smoothly they ended up finishing early for the day. Mayim headed back to her dressing room and closed the door. She needed a moment to collect her thoughts as she cherished the last time she would ever have that experience with the cast. With him. Her laughter soon turned to tears.

Jim left the stage and headed home to be alone. Todd would be home in a few days (there was no way he was going to miss the final taping) but for now Jim would sit by himself and try to decompress from the emotions of the day. The reading went well but he just couldn't believe it was the last time he would ever do it again. With her. Good thing he was driving, at least that helped him stop the tears.


	6. Chapter 6

The week flew by as they ran through the final show and soon taping night was upon them.

* * *

 

This was it! This was the night! And it would be a long one but that was okay with Mayim. As far as she was concerned, she never wanted the night to end.

* * *

 

This was it! This was the night! He couldn't wait for it to be over. He was scared to death he wasn't going to make it through the taping. He had to keep it together. One more night, he chanted to himself. One more night.

* * *

 

"Mayim. Pssst Mayim" she heard coming from behind the set wall.

Mayim turned to see who was calling her. It was Jim. He was hiding behind the wall.

"Jim, what are you doing?" she asked him as she approached him. They had both finished their scene and had a break before they had to go on camera again.

Jim took her arm and led her even further into the shadows behind the wall.

"Jim?" she asked again. "What's going on, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just…"he paused for a moment "I just had an idea, that's all" he said.

Jim had been trying to rack his brain for a good way to approach this subject with her all week. He wanted to try something in front of the audience that he had been too scared to bring up in rehearsal. He knew that he and Mayim had gotten carried away in the past while kissing as their characters. The audience and crew had always laughed when that happened and had assumed that he and Mayim were putting on a good joke for them.

What no one (except maybe Johnny) had ever realized was that Mayim and Jim had never planned these extended passionate kisses that were not supposed to happen between their characters. They always had to shoot their kissing scenes with so much detachment between them that it drove Jim crazy. Oh, they had one, maybe two kisses on the show in the past that were more physical, but he just wanted to be able to kiss her again. Really fucking kiss her and if this was the only feasible way it would ever happen, then he had to try. One last time.

Jim thought if maybe they planned (or even practiced) these passionate kisses ahead of time, they would be able to control them as their characters (surely his character was more than ready to really kiss her too after all of these years) and the director would keep it in the final edit. He knew he was being far too sentimental, but he wanted to capture the moment on film too. The moment when he, even if ever so briefly, let Mayim know how he really felt about her one last time, even if it was without words.

"What?" Mayim finally said when Jim didn't continue. "What's your idea?"

"I want to kiss you" he blurted out.

"What?" she said with disbelief.

"I mean Sheldon wants to kiss Amy, don't you think?" he retracted.

"We're kissing Jim, it's in the script" Mayim said extremely confused and worried. What the hell was happening here? she thought.

"No" he said moving her even closer to him so he could whisper. "I mean let's really kiss, you know a real kiss between them" he said relieved to finally get out the request.

Mayim was very surprised at this idea. Kisses between their characters had been analyzed by directors for years. Jim and Mayim had always been given direction to keep their kisses stiff and awkward between them. Kind of like a stereotypical first kiss in junior high school might be between two nerds.

"Why?" she asked. "That's not Sheldon and Amy. Why now?" she asked again in disbelief.

"Because it's fucking time!" he shouted although still in a whisper. "This is the best thing that has ever happened to them. If not now, then when? On their death beds? It has to be now" he said with conviction.

Mayim just stared at him too shocked for words. It wasn't his vulgar language. She had gotten used to it after nine years together. It was his words. "On their death beds". Would she regret not really telling (or at least showing) Jim how she really felt about him on her own death bed? She would, she decided. And so would her character. He was right. It was now or never. At least where Amy and Sheldon were concerned. She would have to deal with her own feelings later.

"Okay" she replied with just as much conviction.

Jim was floored! He was practically giddy that Mayim had agreed to his crazy request.

"Okay" he said in return. 

Mayim's eyes sparkled as she gazed up at him and Jim knew she was ready to practice the kiss now.

They both stood inches from each other hiding behind the set wall away from the studio lights. Jim looked down at her and lifted one hand to cup her face. He ran his thumb over her mouth while his other hand removed her character's glasses. He set them on a slat in the back of the wall and then moved that hand around her waist. He pulled her to him until they were flush together with no space between them.

Mayim's arms floated up around his shoulders as she lifted up on her toes and her head tilted back. Jim slowly bent his face down towards hers and then his lips softly landed on hers. His hand tilted her face even more as his mouth opened to devour hers.

Mayim's hands moved from his shoulders to his neck and she ran her fingers through his hair pulling him closer if that were even possible. Jim's hand dropped from her face and moved to her back as he held her tightly to keep them from falling over. He had never felt so happy to be finally kissing her like this, at least sober anyway.

Mayim couldn't help herself as her right leg involuntarily lifted up around him. She had never felt so happy to be finally kissing him and finally feel the very real affect she had on him, at least while he was sober anyway.

They were both transported in their minds to the last time they had kissed like this. That magical night so many years ago they had spent together. The night they both could never forget. Sober or not.


	7. Chapter 7

Neither one were sure how it started that night long ago. It could have been the tequila or the whining but one minute they were drinking in Jim's living room going on and on about how they were both going to die old and alone and the next minute Mayim was crying and Jim was holding her stroking her hair and then kissing her hair and then kissing her mouth.

They could not stop kissing that night. Jim had run his long fingers through her hair and Mayim had wrapped her arms around his shoulders drawing him closer. At one point, Jim's hand traveled under her dress and he began caressing her inner thigh. He could not get over how soft she felt. He had never felt anything so wonderfully soft in his whole life.

Mayim was trying to understand what was happening. She and Jim, a gay man, were French kissing and his hand was up her dress dangerously close to her, well, it didn't make sense. However, she had lost all ability to understand anything when she felt his hand finally touch her through her panties. "Oh, Jim", she moaned into his mouth which seemed to excite him as he broke free from her mouth quickly and pulled her dress up over her arms.

He froze when he saw her matching bra and panties. His eyes grew wide and he seemed uncertain for a moment. Soon though, his hands slowly reached up and he lowered her bra straps and pulled her bra down exposing her breasts to the air. Her nipples, already pebbled with desire for him, hardened even more as his thumbs moved over them and he brought his mouth down over one. Mayim moaned again and ran her fingers through his hair holding his head to her breast.

Jim could not believe what was happening, what he was doing, for the first time in his life. He was overcome with desire for a woman. He was kissing and touching a woman. And he wanted more. So much more. She was so soft and tasted so wonderful. Was he hurting her? he wondered. Was he too rough? He had to be gentle. So soft, he said over and over in his head as he continued to roll her nipple with his tongue marveling at the way it peaked for him.

Mayim was practically squirming beneath him on the sofa with way his mouth was moving on her. She had to touch him. She reached down and tugged on his shirts. He knew what she wanted and stopped for a moment to pull them over his head. She took the opportunity to reach behind her and unclasp her bra and then she moved her hands to unfasten his belt. Jim beat her to it and soon they were left in nothing but their underwear.

Mayim ran her hands over his arms and chest and reached down to touch him through the remaining fabric. He was hard, so hard, and he was big. She involuntarily licked her lips with desire. Jim moaned and put his hand over hers. Her hand was so small but felt so wonderful on him. He bent over and kissed her again as their hands began to move in a rhythm over his length. He knew he needed to stop their movements though before it was too late, so he took her hand and led her to his bedroom.

He guided her to lie down on the bed and he stood over her and removed his underwear. Mayim's eyes grew wide at the sight of him and she froze for a moment unsure of what would happened between them now. She decided she would leave it up to him. She wanted him but it was his decision. She never wanted to pressure him to do something he wasn't comfortable with regarding his sexuality.

As he reached up and removed her panties she had a good feeling he was becoming more and more comfortable. He was obviously studying her as he did so and she could tell he liked what he saw.

Wow, Jim thought. So beautiful. He laid down beside her and soon they were kissing again and touching and his long fingers found her slick folds. "So wet" he said out loud to himself. "So wet and hot" he moaned breathlessly. "Oh Jim" Mayim panted as he pleasured her. She had no idea how he knew what to do to a woman but he did and she screamed out as he quickly brought her to climax.

They both laid there silently for a moment as she slowly came down to earth trying to catch her breath. She couldn't believe it though when she saw him out of the corner of her eye and caught him as he brought his fingers to his mouth and tasted them. Tasted her.

Jim was not sure what possessed him to lick his fingers, but he felt an uncontrollable hunger come over him at the taste of her. The next thing Mayim knew he had moved below her and spread her thighs apart. His tongue shot into her wetness and he began lick and taste her. Mayim's hips thrust up as he pleasured her already sensitive nerves and Jim had to hold her in place. She screamed his name as another orgasm spread through her and he lapped at her wetness as if he could not get enough of her very essence.

He stopped when she settled down and moved back to lie on the pillow next to her. He was absolutely amazed at what he had just experienced for the first time. Her taste, her wetness. The way she screamed out his name. He made her scream like that. Amazing, he thought as he laid there trying to catch his breath.

He didn't get a chance to rest for long as Mayim rolled over and rose up to kiss him. She tasted herself on him and her desire for him shot through her and she reached down and began to stroke his length relishing in the silky hardness of him.

Jim moaned in her mouth as he felt her small soft hand moving on him. His hands reached up to cup her face and hair and his tongue mimicked her movements. He moved to catch his breath and his eyes watched her hand as she brought him closer and closer to climax. Soon though he could watch no more as his orgasm rocked through him and his head fell back on the pillow as he cried out her name.

Mayim watched Jim's face as euphoria fell over it. She had never felt more satisfied than knowing it was her name he was crying out. She was the cause of his euphoria. She had been finally able to express her desire for him. Her love for him.

Jim reached for some tissues and cleaned them both. Neither spoke about what had just transpired between them. Mayim moved her hand to lay on him and rested her head on his chest. Her hair fell across him and he reached up and ran his fingers through her long locks. How soft and silky they felt to him. She was so beautiful. He could have never imagined in any of his wildest fantasies what had just happened between him and this woman. This glorious feminine creature before him.

He could tell she had fallen asleep on him either from their activities or too much tequila, he didn't know. He shifted slightly so she was on her side and he was holding her to his shoulder. He stared at her for a little while. He memorized the look of her long eyelashes and slightly parted lips. He was fascinated by the way the slope of her waist curved down from her chest and drew back up into her rounded hips. He had never been attracted to a woman's body before and he still wondered why this had happened between them. All he could come up with was love. He kissed the top of her head and they drifted off in each other's arms.


	8. Chapter 8

"Oh balls! Come on guys really?" they heard from behind them.

Jim stopped the kiss and lifted his head up to see Johnny standing behind them by the set wall. He had seen them kissing. Jim shifted Mayim to stand behind him slightly. Almost as if he was protecting her somehow. Unfortunately, that meant he could not discretely hide the very visible situation in his pants that was now clearly on display as he stood in front of her.

"Johnny" he said dryly.

"Look, I don't know what the hell is going on back here but we've got a show to do. The last one, remember? Can you try to keep it in your pants until one more show" Johnny said sarcastically and turned around to walk away. Although, he could not be sure because it was so dark, Jim thought he saw a huge grin on his friend's face before he turned around.

Mayim reached over and put her glasses back on.

"Sorry" Jim said adjusting himself.

"I'm not" she said defiantely and started to walk away.

"Wait" he called after her.

She stopped.

"So are we going to do it?" he said. "The kiss in the show, I mean" he backtracked when he saw how wide Mayim's eyes had grown. He could only assume she thought he meant something different with the use of the word "it".

Mayim was still a little breathless from their backstage kiss and from being caught by their friend but she nodded in agreement.

"Just like were rehearsed, okay?" she said. "With the hand and removing my glasses, all of it" she said willing herself to stop talking.

"Just like that" he said. "Do you want to practice it again?" he asked her smiling.

Mayim knew he was just joking.

"No" she replied smiling back. "I know practice makes perfect but…" she paused taking on a more serious look "I thought it was perfect just as it was" she finished.

They both stared into each other's eyes knowing there were mountains of unspoken emotions between them. They had the same look now as they did the morning after their night together when they woke to find themselves naked in Jim's bed.

They had both feigned forgetfulness that morning and pretended they couldn't remember what had happened. They made a pact to keep things friendly between them and go on as if the night between them had never happened. Mayim quickly got dressed and left Jim's house and they never spoke of that night again.

Mayim shook her head ever so slightly as she recalled walking away from him that morning and she did the same thing now as she turned to walk away from the set wall.

Jim's heart fluttered as he watched her leave just as it did when she left him that morning too.

Oddly enough, the tension that had been between them since they first met dissipated some after that one night so many years ago. Jim got back together with Todd and Mayim started dating again and they resumed their friendship. Perhaps they had gotten whatever this thing was between them out of their system that night.

Perhaps, he thought as he followed behind her. Although based on his reaction to that kiss, he had a difficult time believing that was true.


	9. Chapter 9

Jim and Mayim really did kiss in front of the camera when they were portraying their characters. The scene called for them to kiss and then make their way to the bedroom implying they were going to make love. The kiss was a little more tender than they had "rehearsed" earlier. It was a PG show after all. Sheldon didn't engulf Amy's mouth as much as Jim had Mayim's and Amy's leg didn't raise up around Sheldon like Mayim's had around Jim, but all-in-all it was almost identical to the real kiss between them that had happened behind the wall.

Jim and Mayim had thought the audience would go crazy with their kiss but oddly enough, they didn't. They clapped and there were some "oohs" and "aahs" but for the most part the audience was practically in tears. It was just such a beautiful sweet moment of love and joy between these two characters that when the kiss ended and the two of them went behind the bedroom door the director called cut and didn't even make them reshoot the scene. It was perfect he had said. And it was.

With the final curtain calls finished and all the bows taken, the cast and crew finished the night privately with tears, hugs and kisses and cake. They vowed to keep in touch but knew it would not be easy. Cell phone numbers and social media handles were exchanged and soon the lights were dimmed and everyone went their separate ways.

Even though it was extremely late, Johnny's girlfriend had arranged to continue the wrap party privately at his house. She had arranged several good-bye festivities this weekend for the cast including a brunch on Sunday. Jim was amazed how his friend kept up with someone that was literally half his age but was happy he had finally found someone that seemed to be so good for him.

Jim had asked Mayim at the wrap party if she was going to attend Johnny's party but she had said no. Jim decided if she wasn't going then he wasn't either so he and Todd had headed straight for home. Besides, he knew he would see her again before the move one last time on Sunday.

* * *

 

Todd and Jim had just entered their bedroom to get ready for bed when Todd asked Jim how he was doing.

"Fine" he replied. "I'm sure it will hit me soon but right now I'm just tired. I just want to sleep" he said sitting down on the bed to take off his shoes.

"Well, it was an amazing show. You did a fantastic job. All of you" Todd said as he stood by the closet and removed his jacket.

"Thanks" Jim replied with little enthusiasm.

"Especially you and Mayim. I mean that kiss was something wasn't it?" Todd said with a hint of remorse like he knew he shouldn't be saying the words but said them anyway.

Jim stopped what he was doing and just stared up at his husband.

"You've got to be kidding me, right?" he asked exasperated.

"What?" Todd said feigning innocence.

"God, I still do not get why me kissing a woman, a woman" he repeated "bothers you more than me kissing a man. I mean you didn't complain during the play last summer. I just don't get it" he said again as he went back to removing his other shoe.

"Well, you weren't in love with them" Todd said simply.

Todd had known about Jim's feelings for his onscreen love interest for years. Todd loved Mayim too but in a different way. She had been a wonderful friend to them and Todd trusted them. But it was still difficult for him sometimes seeing them together.

"Right, this again" Jim huffed and stood to remove his shirt.

"Well, it's true" Todd stated "and that kiss just solidifies your feelings and…"

"Stop!" Jim interrupted him. "I don't know what else you want me to do!" he yelled at him. "I ended the show" he continued. "All of those people out of work because of me" the words choked out as he paced back and forth in the front of the bed growing more and more agitated.

"I gave up 50 million dollars. 50 million dollars!" he repeated angrily. "You know what kind of projects we could have backed with that kind of money" he ranted as he continued to pace back and forth.

"I sold the house. We're moving. We're never coming back. I…I" he choked up again and stopped pacing. "I won't ever see her again" he finished in a whisper and sat back down on the bed.

Todd moved to the bed and sat down beside his love, his partner in life and in business for almost two decades. He reached for Jim's hand in his. "I know" he said. "I'm sorry".

Jim leaned his head on his husband's shoulder knowing that Todd was right. He was right to insist Jim end the show and they move away from California. He loved him and didn't want to see him hurt. It was the best solution for all of them. Todd gathered Jim in his arms and just held him while the events of the night and the end of the last 12 years of his life finally hit him and he began to sob uncontrollably.

* * *

 

Mayim finished her water and looked at the time again. Okay, she thought. Another hour down. She had been alternating between bouts of uncontrollable sobbing, fitful sleeping and taking in gulps of water to stave off dehydration for the last five hours. It had been one of the worse nights of her life. As expected.

She was mourning. The last nine years of her life were ending. Her kids were so little when she started the show. She was still married back then. She was fresh from her stint in the world of academia. She could have never imagined her life all of these years later. Was it worse? Better? She honestly had no idea. But there was one thing she was absolutely sure of. She knew while mourning the end of the show was perfectly normal, her heart was breaking and it wasn't from the loss of the show. It was from the loss of him.

When Jim asked her if she was going to Johnny's party she had said no. She knew they would see each other before he moved to New York permanently. She also knew she could not keep it together tonight and was hoping she would be all cried out by the time Sunday brunch rolled around. All she could do now, was hope. It was going to be a long night.


	10. Chapter 10

Sunday brunch time did finally roll around.

Mayim took a deep breath as she walked up the driveway to Johnny's house taking in the beautiful scenery. It was a perfect spring day and she was forcing herself to slow down, both figurately and literally, to stop and smell the roses. If this weekend had taught her anything, it was that life was too short and moved by way too fast and she needed to enjoy it.

She had finally stopped crying, but it took all her strength to come here today. It was hard doing these social gatherings all alone, but she knew she couldn't miss it. She had to come. To say good-bye.

Johnny greeted Mayim when she arrived and went to get her a drink. Melissa joined her in the foyer, mimosa in hand, and pulled her aside.

"Okay, so I need to warn you about something before you go in there" she whispered.

"What?" Mayim whispered back. "What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Nope. Not wrong, just…" Melissa hesitated "just need to warn you" she repeated pulling her closer to the door further away from the others.

Melissa proceed to inform Mayim in hushed tones that Johnny's very sweet girlfriend had put on a huge spread for everyone and everything looked and tasted amazing. Johnny was over the moon but Mayim wasn't surprised. Anyone who knew him was happy for he and Alaina, even if she was quite young for him. It seemed the proverbial bachelor had finally found his match.

However, Melissa warned her that his very sweet girlfriend was also partial to playing matchmaker herself. It seems she invited a guy friend of hers to brunch specifically to meet Mayim, Melissa whispered. This guy friend was quite a bit younger than Mayim, but Alaina seemed to think they would hit it off gloriously and couldn't want to introduce them.

"Oh" Mayim said with surprise. "Thanks for the warning. That is, well, nice of her, I guess" she said.

'Oh, that's not the warning" Melissa said lowering her voice.

Mayim looked at her with a confused expression.

"I need to warn you" Melissa continued "that because of little miss matchmaker Jim is extremely pissed" she finished. "I mean this poor guy never stood a chance with the shit Jim is giving him" she said shaking her head.

It seemed Jim had arrived alone too about 20 minutes before Mayim. In that short amount of time, he had criticized this guy's education, career, political choices and even his clothes! Jim was normally a very kind person and this was totally out of character for him. Of course, everyone knew why he was acting this way around Mayim's purposed love interest. Everyone that is except Alaina and the guy of course, both who were having a hard time believing how Jim was acting this morning.


	11. Chapter 11

In Johnny's dining room, Jim was slouching in his chair staring at the beautifully made up table already on his second mimosa. He could not believe what had transpired in the last 30 minutes. He had gone from being anxious and nervous to come here to being mad and flat-out jealous and making a fool of himself.

Jim was nervous about coming because he had to come alone. Todd had left yesterday to get everything settled in New York for them to live there permanently. Jim was going to stay a few days here in LA to oversee the sale of the house and he already missed his spouse. Todd was the love of his life. The literal light that brought him joy and happiness. He was very blessed to have him by his side and felt anxious doing these social events when they had to be apart.

Still, he knew he couldn't miss saying good-bye, so he forced himself to come. He was happy to see everyone this morning until Johnny's girlfriend had introduced her guest and explained he was there for Mayim. 'Holy Shit' Jim thought. This guy was young enough to be his fucking son! 'And what the hell was he wearing?' he smirked to himself.

Johnny immediately sensed Jim's jealousy and shot him an apologetic glance from across the room.

Jim dismissed his friend's attempt to console him and immediately introduced himself launching into a myriad of questions about the young man's interests. He was just trying to be friendly he told himself. It wasn't his fault if every answer the guy gave him was completely moronic and he felt the need to tell him so.

After a while, Jim looked up and saw Melissa and Mayim enter the room. Mayim looked radiant in a beautiful green dress, sans glasses, with her hair cascading down on her shoulders. He smiled at her, but she just scowled at him. 'Uh,' he thought, what's her problem?'

Alaina came to greet her and gave her a hug introducing her to her friend. The young man stood, looking extremely grateful to find a graceful way to get away from Jim, and came towards her and shook her hand. He gushed saying how he had heard so much about her and how nice it was to finally meet her and how beautiful she looked this morning.

Mayim giggled (Jim sat up straight when he heard her do that) and exchanged pleasantries with Alaina's friend. They started a conversation about music as it seems they both played bass guitar. They continued to talk about various topics and soon they found themselves seated next to each other at the table enjoying their brunch.

Jim meanwhile downed his mimosa and continued to glare at them as he slouched back down in his chair on the other side of the table.

Jim's demeaner wouldn't have bothered Mayim so much except every time her companion would say something, Jim would make a "hrumpf" kind of noise. She knew if she could her him, so could Alaina's friend.

"What is your problem?" she finally asked after she heard the millionth "hrumpf" and she turned to face Jim. "Don't you want me to be happy? Don't I deserve a chance, at least a chance, to be happy with someone like you are?" she questioned him way too loudly across the table.

Jim's mouth hung open as he stared at her in disbelief. 'How dare she asked him that question, especially in front of their friends' he thought as his temper flared.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean Mayim?" he yelled back across the table. "I don't have any problem here" he continued.

"Really?" she challenged him, her eyebrows raised in defiance as she stared him down.

"Yes, really" he challenged back, his gauze never faltering from her face.

The guests at the table were silent as they watched the exchange between their long-time friends. No one moved a muscle or spoke a word until finally, Mayim's new friend spoke up.

"Um, Mayim are you okay?" he said.

"Of course, she's okay" Jim yelled at him. "And even if she wasn't, it's no goddamn concern of yours" he spat.

"JIM!" Mayim screamed at him as she stood from the table. "Outside. NOW!" she said forcefully and walked out the door to the backyard of the house.

Jim threw his napkin down on the table and rose from his chair and followed her out the door.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Every brunch guest remained silent as they watched Jim and Mayim leave and more than one person visibly winced as Jim slammed the door closed behind him. 

Alaina's friend got up to go to the kitchen mumbling about needing a stronger drink. 

When he was out of earshot Alaina turned to the group.

"What the hell is going on with them?" she asked no one in particular. In her past interactions with both Mayim and Jim they had never been anything but polite and nice to each other.

"I'm sorry babe" Johnny said. "I should have told you about them".

"What about them?" she asked again.

"Well, it's complicated" Simon spoke up.

"Yeah, they are in love with each other" Kunal added.

"What!" Alaina exclaimed. "Wait, wait one minute, Jim's gay, right? And married?" she said stunned. "They're not" she hesitated "I mean he's not cheating…" she trailed off.

"No, no of course not" Melissa jumped in. "They're not together. They're just in love" she finished.

Alaina looked more confused than ever.

Johnny came over to her and took her hand.

"I really am sorry" he said again. "I should have told you about them. It was very sweet of you to try to fix up Mayim with your friend. He seems like a really nice guy. It's just that maybe today wasn't the best time for them to meet each other. Maybe another time would have been better. After Jim's moved away" he finished.

"You see" Simon began "it's hard for them thinking about the other one with someone else. Just because they love each other, doesn't mean they can ever be together. I mean Jim is gay and married and Mayim respects his sexuality and his spouse."

"That's true" Melissa added "Jim and Mayim are two of the most genuine people you will ever meet and they would never put each other in a position to betray a loved one or betray their own truth" she finished.

"They both know that it was never meant to be between them" Kunal said "and as hard as it may be, they accept it" he acknowledged.

"Does everyone know that's how they truly feel about each other?" Alaina asked hesitantly.

Every guest at the table nodded in the affirmative.

"Well, that is the saddest thing I've ever heard" she said disheartened as she plopped down in the closest chair.

No one at the table disagreed with her assessment of their situation. They all felt the same way about them too.

The conversation stopped when Alaina's friend came back into the room from the kitchen, the matter too private to share with an outsider to the group.

"Well" Alaina finally said as she rose from the table to check on dessert "I don't care what you all say. It didn't look like they accepted anything to me!" she exclaimed and stormed off to the kitchen hoping her attempt at matchmaking wasn't going to cause too much trouble for her friends.


	13. Chapter 13

"Okay, Jim" Mayim said as she turned to face him. She had walked several yards from the door stopping underneath a tree surrounded by beautiful flower beds in Johnny's backyard.

"Why are you acting like this?" she confronted him. Her voice was much calmer than before although her eyes still shined with fury.

"Like what?" he replied innocently. "You're the one that made a scene in front of everyone" he accused.

Based on her stiff body language, Jim thought Mayim might lash out at him at his accusation, but instead her shoulders suddenly slumped and she let out a heavy sigh. She moved to sit down on the edge of the concrete flower bed under the tree gathering her dress around her legs.

He moved and sat down silently next to her, both of them staring straight ahead. After a moment, he reached over and grabbed her hand. She let him without hesitation.

Jim's thumb lightly traced over the back of Mayim's hand. Hands he knew as well as his own after all of these years so close to her on set. After all of those times he held her hand on and off set.

"I don't want to fight" she finally said quietly. "Not today. Not our last day together" she said looking down at their intertwined hands.

"Stop" he said forcing her to look up at him. "It's not our last day together. We'll see each other all the time" he said with one corner of his mouth turning upward.

"I don't want to fight either" he said finally acknowledging that this really was their last day together. "I'm sorry I was acting like a child earlier" he apologized.

Mayim nodded.

"You do you know" he said.

"I do what?" she asked.

"Deserve to be with someone. To be happy" he gulped. "I want you to be happy with someone" he smiled.

Mayim squeezed her eyes shut and squeezed his hand.

"Thank you" she choked out opening her eyes.

Jim squeezed her hand in return.

"Mayim" he started not sure where he was going to go with his thought, but knowing he had to finally tell her. "You know I love you" he said.

"I know" she said. "I love you too."

"No" he said and pulled her hand in his and scooter closer to her on the edge. "I mean, I love you. Like, I'm in love with you. I have been practically since the day I met you" he finished staring at her intently.

Mayim stared at him in return. She knew this deep down, but to hear him acknowledge it was astonishing. She thought she would go her entire life without hearing him admit his feelings for her.

"Well, you must know I feel the same way about you" she acknowledged smiling.

He didn't, but he smiled in return at her admission that she was in love with him too.

They both looked down at their joined hands again for a long time.

"Why?" Mayim finally asked.

"Why?" Jim repeated.

"Why are you in love with me?" she asked him.

He smiled as he gladly answered her question. "Mayim, you are the most intelligent woman I know. You are funny and talented and beautiful and a great friend and a great mom. I love your quick wit and your outspokenness. You are fearless" he said still smiling.

Mayim blushed.

"Why are you in love with me?" he asked her in return.

Mayim smiled. "Jim, you are the kindest most generous person I know. You are smart and funny and so so talented and a great friend as well. You are so genuine and professional and so handsome" she finished.

It was Jim's turn to blush.

"It doesn't change anything" Mayim finally said sighing. "You're gay and you're with Todd."

"I am" Jim acknowledged simply. What else could he say?


	14. Chapter 14

Jim and Mayim sat there in silence for a while listening to the distant sounds of traffic until Jim finally spoke.

"Walk with me?" Jim asked and stood holding her hands.

Mayim nodded and he helped her up. Still holding her hand, they began to walk around the yard.

"Do you know why it's been so easy to play Sheldon to your Amy?" he asked trying to lighten the mood a little.

She shook her head.

"Because you are the only woman I've ever wanted too" he told her. "Just like Amy was the only woman that Sheldon ever wanted, ever was attracted to, ever even saw." He smiled at her. "You are the only woman I've ever been interested in at all."

She smiled in return.

"The only woman?" she questioned. She knew that he had been around lots of beautiful women in his lifetime and had the opportunity to even kiss them in the process of acting. Kaley for example (who had already left to start her Colorado vacation) had even shared a passionate kiss with Jim on the show. Mayim had always felt a little jealous of that scene they shared years ago.

"Yes. The only one" he confirmed putting her mind at ease. "I mean I couldn't believe it when we, well that night when we, you know, messed around years ago. All I could think about was how beautiful and soft you were and how much I wanted you. I've never felt that way about any woman before or since" he confessed.

Mayim just stared at him as they continued to walk side-by-side, hand-in-hand. 'Oh' she thought. 'He remembers that night'.

"You remember that night?" she squeaked out as she felt her hands getting sweaty. If Jim noticed, he politely didn't say anything about her sudden sweaty palm.

"I do" he said looking directly at her. "Every moment" he said with a sudden serious tone. "Do you remember?" he asked hesitantly looking over at her.

"I do" she replied looking away from his piercing blue eyes boring down on hers.

The mood was heavy again as they walked quietly together.

"You know" Jim cleared his throat again trying to lighten the mood. "Sheldon wasn't looking for Amy either but once he found her, he just couldn't seem to let her go no matter what obstacles came between them" Jim sighed and squeezed her hand again. He wanted Mayim to feel hopeful that somehow, even with the show ending and him living across the country, he would never let her go from his life.

"Jim, there is a big difference between us and Sheldon and Amy" Mayim said. "This is real life" she told him. "You know it always gets to me when a fan posts that about us" she said suddenly.

"Posts what?" Jim asked her.

Mayim pulled her phone from her pocket and found the post she had seen from earlier last week and showed it to him.

Jim saw one of those pictures of them where he was caught staring at her again. The comment below said _"Love them so much! They are the cutest couple! I wish they were together IRL!"_

"IRL?", he questioned.

"It means in real life" she explained upon seeing his confused expression.

"Right, I knew that" he said trying to cover his social media ignorance.

After a moment, he asked "what do you mean it gets to you?"

"I mean I wish that too!" she said exasperated. As much as it hurt her to finally say it out loud to him, she was glad that she had before she lost the chance forever. She knew it wouldn't change things between them, but she was still glad she had been honest with him after all these years. As she realized earlier, she didn't want to be on her death bed and regret not telling him how she really felt about him.

Things were quiet between them again as they continued to stroll through the yard to the front of the house.

"Why do wish that?" Jim finally asked her. "Is it because you are single again?" he said sincerely.

"No. I've always fantasied that for us. Practically since the day we met" she said using his own words from earlier. "Please understand" Mayim went on "I would never want to come between you and Todd. I love you both. Just in different ways. I know he makes you happy and that is more than enough for me. To know that you are happy" she finished with a slight smile.

Jim didn't know what to say to that revelation. He had always fantasied about them too.

"Of course, Sheldon and Amy are different from us in another way too" she said softly. "They got their happy ending together. We won't" she finished sadly.

Jim stopped walking as he looked at her. A happy ending. What would that have looked like, not for their characters, but for them? In real life.

All at once, Jim could see it in his mind. Like a montage from a movie. What could have been. He saw that magical night between them only this time in his mind they didn't fall asleep. He imagined how it would feel to completely give himself to her. What it would feel like to be deep inside her. To feel himself sheathed in her glorious heat and wetness. What if he had realized after their encounter that he was fluid in his sexuality? He would not have gotten back together with Todd. He would have told Mayim how he really felt about her. He would have started a real relationship with her.

Jim saw them working together, living together, being together. It would have been a Hollywood scandal for sure, but they could have made it work. He would have drug her to basketball games and Broadway musicals. She would have taught him how to play D&D and finally convince him to go all in for the Whole Vegan Lifestyle. They would have married. He would have helped her raise her boys. And because he loved her, they would have done something he never imagined himself doing. They would have had a child together too. A little girl just like Mayim. He would be a father.

In that moment, Jim realized what Mayim, due to her high intelligence, must have figured out years ago. He realized how good, how wonderful it could have been between them. And she knew it too. All of this time, she knew.

He brought her into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry" he said softly into her hair. "I didn't realize how it could be between us if…" he choked out not being able to finish his sentence as he held her even tighter.

"I can see it all" he went on. "We would have been so happy together" he said.

Mayim closed her eyes as she hugged her friend. She really did see him as her friend and that was enough. It was somehow enough just to hear him admit what she had known along. It gave her peace. Closure somehow. They no longer had so many things unspoken between them. They could finally say good-bye.

"I know" she said when they finally broke apart. "It just wasn't meant to be, was it?" she asked.

"I guess not" he replied with emotion as he stared down at her with glistening tears in his eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

After a while, Jim and Mayim started walking again, holding hands until Jim stopped them in front of the house.

"I'm going to take off, okay" he sighed before emotions from his recent realization become too much for him. "Lots to do. Please give Johnny my good-byes. You go back to your new boy toy okay" he said teasing her.

"No," she stopped him. "You need to say good-bye yourself. Johnny loves you. They all do and you need to say good-bye."

He smiled at her and her wisdom. She was so damn smart.

"Okay" he agreed.

They walked hand-in-hand to the house. Johnny was actually waiting for them on the porch. No words were spoken as he hugged them both and put his arms around them walking them back into the house.

Johnny knew how hard saying good-bye must have been for them. Even though the others could tell how Jim and Mayim felt about each other, they didn't know everything.

Johnny knew they had "messed around" years ago right after Mayim's divorce and during Jim's brief break-up from Todd. Jim had felt really confused about what had happened and had come to Johnny for advice about maintaining a professional working relationship with Mayim after their encounter. He knew Johnny could help him based on his past relationship with Kaley.

All Johnny told him was to remember one thing. Before that night, he and Mayim were friends first. Focus on the friendship aspect and everything will be fine. Jim seemed to heed that advice, but Johnny sometimes wondered if maybe he should have just told him to "go for it". Take a chance with Mayim. Especially after he had caught them making out backstage just the other night. Maybe he had been wrong. Ah, what might have been, he sighed.

They all went inside. Jim apologized to Alaina's friend for his earlier behavior and gave Mayim a smile of encouragement when he heard the young man finally get up the nerve to ask her to a concert this Friday night. Mayim, seeing Jim's encouragement, agreed to go.

Jim stayed for another hour just reminiscing about the good times drawing out his goodbyes, but he knew he had to leave. There were tears and hugs and he went out the door. He got into his car and sighed but as he looked up to leave, Mayim was there in front of the car.

He got out, made his way to her, gathered her in his arms and not giving a goddamn care in the world who saw them, he kissed her. Really kissed her. Not Sheldon. Not Amy. Jim and Mayim. In real life.


	16. Chapter 16

When their mouths finally broke apart, their bodies clung to each other for dear life. "I love yous" were whispered between them and they cried in each other's arms. Finally, he leaned back and wiped the tears from her face and smiled. She smiled back.

"I need you to promise me you are going to be okay", he said.

"I promise" she squeaked out. "You too?" she asked.

He nodded and she moved away from the car back to the house.

He opened the car door and yelled across the driveway "I expect to see you sometime this summer in New York".

She nodded.

"And you'll be back for the Emmys" she yelled from the porch.

He smiled and nodded.

They took one last long look at each other and she raised her hand to waive good-bye. He waived as well and slid into the car. He started it and began to drive away.

Jim looked in the rear-view mirror. Mayim was still standing there, arm frozen in the air. Slowly she lowered it and placed her hand over her heart. He moved his hand over his heart too as if he could feel her heart beating in perfect rhythm with his own. As if he could feel her heart breaking with his own.

He took one last look just in time to see that Melissa had come out of the house and had wrapped her arms around Mayim. It looked like Mayim was shaking with sobs on her tiny shoulder, but Jim couldn't be sure from this distance. He moved his eyes to the road in front of him.

In real life hurts too much, he thought, as he blinked trying to stave off more tears as he drove away from her forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Hopefully, you enjoyed the story. Was that the real reason Jim didn't want to continue the show? 
> 
> Anyway, here's hoping Mayim can find the same happy ending someday with someone that Jim and Todd seem to have found with each other.


End file.
